What is PPD? PPD also known as Post Partum Depression is moderate to severe depression in a woman after she has given birth. It may occur soon after delivery or up to a year later. Most of the time, it occurs within the first 3 months after delivery up to a year and at times may go unnoticed. It’s real. I never thought I would get to the point I did. I’ve been writing this blog entry in secret. No one knows what I’ve been going through. Part of it is because of shame. How will people look at me now? Being part of the Hispanic culture that surely doesn’t exist….. Would my husband just blow me off? Here’s how it all strarted, How I slowly started falling into depression and how no one was able to detect it.
Growing up, I always knew I wanted to become a mother and wife. So from the moment I found out I was pregnant with my first child I jumped for joy! The whole family was elated especially finding out it was a girl! The calls came in, texts rolled in, gifts felt as if they fell from the sky and I should have had a revolving door for the amount of visitors we had. Fast forward to baby number 3 and all I saw were tumble weeds and heard crickets! Where was everyone??? Boy if looks could kill with the reactions I got from some people, I’d be dead. And I’d be rich by the amount of two cents people gave me. Where were my “Friends”? What happened to family? Everyone thinks by baby number three you have it all but in reality that’s when I needed people most! I’m seriously grateful for the TWO people that came to help me organize things before the baby came. Baby is here and where is everyone? I seriously can count the amount of people who have to come see if I were ok, to meet the latest member of the family, to make sure my family is was fed etc on my hand! Not hands but hand. I’m not saying everyone is ghost but the ones I counted on most weren’t around. I bet if I said let’s get drinks or go to Happy Hour some people would be here in a heart beat! I truly believe the few that were and still are here , are the one I needed most!
Once you become a mother you become part of a tribe. A sisterhood. A community of women called motherhood. We should be there for each other. Especially if we’ve been there, done that. Even if you can’t be there physically, you can be there by calling or texting. Sending a meal to a new mom or sending a gift or even a card. I’m truly thankful for the women who have been there. Besides my immediate family I had very few people come see me at the hospital. I felt bad. And when I got home I realized I wasn’t myself. I would constantly cry, I loved my children and husband but just wanted to lay in bed alone, thoughts of me being a bad mother would run through my mind. Especially with how society paints the pressures of what is best for Baby. My husband didn’t understand what was happening and no one was really around to see how I felt. If I spent time in the living room with family I just wanted to be in my room. And thoughts of many family and friends not coming to see my son broke my heart. It brought me to experience a low I’ve never encountered. Feeling overwhelmed, emotional, helpless, heavy hearted, burdened and unfit to be a mother were just some of the things I felt and would never wish it on anyone!
We as a church, as a family, as friends, as neighbors and as humanity should be there for one another. Depression is a real thing. Although I’ve never suffered from depression, I see how quickly one can fall into it. I realized people will be people, people come to us in seasons, some people really just don’t care, or they happen to care about the wrong people in their lives. It doesn’t matter if people don’t attend your baby shower or events, or if people don’t come and spend time with you anymore. What matters most of what YOU become!
My dream and passion is to inspire others! I vow to continue doing just that and be a better me! God makes us go through things so that we may grow from them! I know that if I can’t be there for someone physically I can be there other ways.
I remember reading the word one day while in bed crying and it truly lifted me up. Friends may come and go but God will never forsake you! I grew up in church my whole life. I always had great faith in God but I’m writing this to let you know that depression can happen to ANYONE! I ask that you be aware of people around you. And if you’re battling something, talk to someone. Your spouse, mother, and/or friend may not understand but there are people who do. Seek help. Pray. Read the word and look up encouragement. I looked at my newborn son and would look at my children and realized if I don’t do this for myself then I would have to do it for them! I look at my children and love them unconditionally. Which made me think if I could love them each unconditionally imagine how God can love us ALL unconditionally no matter what we go through or what our circumstances maybe!
So Mama, whether you just had a baby, lost a baby, or are a seasoned mom YOU GOT THIS!!!!!! Are are NOT alone!!!! You ARE the BEST mother you can be to YOUR child! Your child wasn’t a mistake, you weren’t a mistake. You are worthy and loved until you are you again!