Love me until I’m me again: How I almost let myself fall  into Post Partum Depression.

What is PPD? PPD also known as Post Partum Depression is moderate to severe depression in a woman after she has given birth. It may occur soon after delivery or up to a year later. Most of the time, it occurs within the first 3 months after delivery up to a year and at times may go unnoticed. It’s real. I never thought I would get to the point I did. I’ve been writing this blog entry in secret. No one knows what I’ve been going through. Part of it is because of shame. How will people look at me now? Being part of the Hispanic culture that surely doesn’t exist….. Would my husband just blow me off? Here’s how it all strarted, How I slowly started falling into depression and how no one was able to detect it.

Growing up, I always knew I  wanted to become a mother and wife. So from the moment I found out I was pregnant with my first child I jumped for joy! The whole family was elated especially finding out it was a girl! The calls came in, texts rolled in, gifts felt as if they fell from the sky and I should have had a revolving door for the amount of visitors we had. Fast forward to baby number 3 and all I saw were tumble weeds and heard crickets! Where was everyone???  Boy if looks could kill with the reactions I got from some people, I’d be dead. And I’d be rich by the amount of two cents people gave me. Where were my “Friends”? What happened to family? Everyone thinks by baby number three you have it all but in reality that’s when I needed people most! I’m seriously grateful for the TWO people that came to help me organize things before the baby came. Baby is here and where is everyone? I seriously can count the amount of people who have to come see if I were ok, to meet the latest member of the family, to make sure my family is was fed etc on my hand! Not hands but hand. I’m not saying everyone is ghost but the ones I counted on most weren’t around. I bet if I said let’s get drinks or go to Happy Hour some people would be here in a heart beat! I truly believe the few that were and still are here , are the one I needed most! 

Once you become a mother you become part of a tribe. A sisterhood. A community of women called motherhood. We should be there for each other. Especially if we’ve been there, done that. Even if you can’t be there physically, you can be there  by calling or texting. Sending a meal to a new mom or sending a gift or even a card. I’m truly thankful for the women who have been there. Besides my immediate family I had very few people come see me at the hospital. I felt bad. And when I got home I realized I wasn’t myself. I would constantly cry, I loved my children and husband but just wanted to lay in bed alone, thoughts of me being a bad mother would run through my mind. Especially with how society paints the pressures of what is best for Baby. My husband didn’t understand what was happening and no one was really around to see how I felt. If I spent time in the living room with family I just wanted to be in my room. And thoughts of many family and friends not coming to see my son broke my heart. It brought me to experience a low I’ve never encountered. Feeling overwhelmed, emotional, helpless, heavy hearted, burdened and unfit to be a mother were just some of the things I felt and would never wish it on anyone! 

We as a church, as a family, as friends, as neighbors and as humanity should be there for one another. Depression is a real thing. Although I’ve never suffered from depression, I see how quickly one can fall into it. I realized people will be people, people come to us in seasons, some people really just don’t care, or they happen to care about the wrong people in their lives. It doesn’t matter if people don’t attend your baby shower or events, or if people don’t come and spend time with you anymore. What matters most of what YOU become! 

My dream and passion is to inspire others! I vow to continue doing just that and be a better me! God makes us go through things so that we may grow from them! I know that if I can’t be there for someone physically I can be there other ways. 

I remember reading the word one day while in bed crying and it truly lifted me up. Friends may come and go but God will never forsake you! I grew up in church my whole life. I always had great faith in God but I’m writing this to let you know that depression can happen to ANYONE! I ask that you be aware of people around you. And if you’re battling something, talk to someone. Your spouse, mother, and/or friend may not understand but there are people who do. Seek help. Pray. Read the word and look up encouragement. I looked at my newborn son and would look at my children and realized if I don’t do this for myself then I would have to do it for them! I look at my children and love them unconditionally. Which made me think if I could love them each unconditionally imagine how God can love us ALL unconditionally no matter what we go through or what our circumstances maybe! 

So Mama, whether you just had a baby, lost a baby, or are a seasoned mom YOU GOT THIS!!!!!! Are are NOT alone!!!! You ARE the BEST mother you can be to YOUR child! Your child wasn’t a mistake, you weren’t a mistake. You are worthy and loved until you are you again! 

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Today I chose to celebrate life

Today at 11:09am I witnessed my grandmother take her last breath. I never wanted to experience such pain. I witnessed my children’s first breaths of life and now my grandmothers last. She surely was an amazing woman. The woman who taught me Spanish, the woman who I learned to cook from, and the woman who would watch ESPN Deportes. 

Today at 3:00pm we celebrated my sons first birthday. He’s taught me so much. He taught me that no matter what push for what you want. He and my daughter have taught me what unconditional love is and how God’s love is. 

Many people are probably wondering how can she still go on with a party after she just witnessed her grandmother die. You see, growing up when someone we knew passed away we chose to celebrate the happy times in their lives. What did they accomplish in life, how did they make you laugh, what songs they liked, our fondest memories and over all how they made you feel. Sure we would feel down and out because we’re only human. But knowing that they were not suffering any more or that they were in a better place made us feel at peace. 

My peace today was when I was setting everything at the park for the party. In my mind I was like ” should have I gone with this party anyways, omg I’m so behind, I need this. I need that. ” Just then, right above my head, floating in the clear blue sky was a beautiful black and yellowish green butterfly. My grandmothers favorite color was green. Want to know what’s crazy? While writing this entry I looked up the meaning of a butterfly and this is what I read ” Butterflies are deep and powerful representations of life. Many cultures associate the butterfly with our souls. The Christian religion sees the butterfly as a symbol of resurrection. Around the world, people view the butterfly as representing endurance, change, hope, and life.” It was as if God sent that little reminder that I did make the right decision and everything was  going to be ok.  I truly thank my Lord for His constant reminders. 

Today I chose to celebrate life. Today I chose to celebrate the many years my grandmother spent on earth and the year from when my son was born. She wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Why do we wait until someone dies to speak about their greatness? Celebrate your life today. As cliche sounding as it may be you should live life today as if there were no tomorrow. Take that job, call that friend, eat that dessert, do that act of kindness, hug that family member, mend those quarrels, witness to someone, hug your spouse, etc…. I could name so many things. But what is holding you back? What are you waiting for? Live that dream, live your life and celebrate while you’re still able to! After all, I’m pretty sure you’ll have your version of my butterfly saying it’s all going to be ok. 


This is dedicated to you grandma!!!! I love you. 

And so THE Journey begins…


As we begin life within our mothers womb decisions are being made for us. It isn’t until we become the rightful age of adults that we tend to start making our own decisions. None the less ones big or small or ones that can either make us or break us. No matter what choice we decide for ourselves just remember it’s God stirring the pot leading you on a new road, a new season, a new adventure, a new journey. 

As a mother and wife there are many choices we have to make. One of them is not only making sure your family is literally being fed but making sure they are fed spiritually. Recently my husband and I made a big decision.  After almost 6 years of us attending the same church, the church where we began our own family, the church where friends became family, and the church where we have served, it is now our season of life where we must spread our wings and fly. 

No matter what place you are in life remember it is God who is stirring the pot in your journey. When you become so comfortable God starts to shake things up a bit. Here we are, attending a church that hasn’t even started, meeting new people, starting new ministries in areas of life we never thought we would lead, and over all doing new things and stepping out in faith. But do you know what? I am at peace. Does it make me sad to leave a class I’ve been teaching for so long? Yes. Does it make me sad to leave my friends that became family? Yes. But am I excited for new beginnings? HECK YES I AM!!!!!!!! LoL I’m excited for so many reasons!!! Sometimes God is stirring your pot for someone else’s journey. I’m so ready for this new road in life. 

The church hasn’t officially opened . Opening day is September 18th at 10:30. But guess what? God is already using us in such a great way. Here is just a little bit of my testimony so far with my Journey Church Family:

  1. I have never been inside a shelter. With Journey I was able to serve at a women’s shelter. It was also my first time giving an empowering and motivating speech to a large group of women. It was then I knew this is what I’m called to do. This is who I’m called to be.
  2. My husband and I will serving together in ministry for the first time ever. We will be co leading along side another couple who are friends of ours in the Young Married Couples Small Group. Never did I ever think I would serving along my husband. I’m super excited not only for my growth but for his spiritual growth.
  3. Not only are they big in serving the community but they invest a lot in the lives of my children. Looking at the plans they have I’m at ease knowing my children will be taught the word. 
  4. This decision in my life personally has awaken a knew fire inside me. I invited a complete stranger to church today! After all Jesus should be accessible to EVERYONE! 

I learned so much in the short time we’ve been attending our launch meetings. It’s crazy because haven grown up in the church I’ve always heard such things. But it wasn’t until now that the light bulb has clicked. When God closes one chapter in your life, a new chapter has started. So if you’re having to make a big decision in your life I urge you to pray about it and really think it over. If it’s meant to be no one will be able to close those doors. 

 I’m excited to officially call Journey Church out home!  And if you’re looking for a new home come visit us on launch day! 

                Visit us online at:                

               JOURNEYORL.COM 

                    @journeyorl

    And so THE JOURNEY begins…..

BAD MOM?! Pssssh! More like FAB MOM!

Ever since the trailer came out for the movie Bad Moms every mother in the universe saved the date. At least I know I did! I mean I even told my husband not to make plans that night because I already knew I was going out. I quickly made plans for a group of us mothers to watch the movie and go out. So fast forward 2 1/2 months later here I am getting ready to go out with my girlfriends. 

I’m excited. I mingled with new and old friends before the movie. I finally go inside and grab my seat. The movie starts and the first thing you do is of course laugh as you can relate with Mila Kunis’s character and/or probably know someone like the other moms. But then BAM!!!! Right smack dab in your face  is a hairy hoomhah and nips!!! My heart felt like it left my body! (I’m sorry but I failed to mention that my mother and mother in law were both part of my group.) I mean come one we all know how the woman anatomy is but it’s not something you want to see with them. The movie itself is hilarious!!! You can easily feel offended with some of the scenes. From all the crazy cursing to the crazy sexual innuendoes. (Let’s be real though, we’re all married or are adults and have done those things… Wink Wink). They also promote a lot of drinking and such. But yet we feel like we have that connection. 

I’m the type of person that likes to see the positive in everything. So here we go. Rather than just taking the negative from the movie I’ve taken the positivity from it:

  1. YOU ARE NOT PERFECT AND YOU DONT NEED TO BE. We have all failed at something. It’s ok. Who cares if your kids socks mismatch. Isn’t that the style anyways? Look at it this way, your kids a trendsetter because of you! 
  2. WE ARE A SISTERHOOD. Let’s stick together. Like I’ve mentioned in another blog entry: We all have different routes but one destination and that’s motherhood. 
  3. ONCE A MOTHER ALWAYS A MOTHER. SO DONT GIVE UP! Motherhood isn’t easy. Sure you can try to run away but it’s there the next day staring at you and waiting for breakfast. 
  4. YOU DONT HAVE TO CARRY THE WORLD ON YOUR SHOULDERS. Don’t let pride get the best of you. Ask for help. Whether it’s from your friend, family or spouse. 
  5. YOUR KIDS ARE LOOKING UP TO YOU! Whether you see it yourself or not. Like I said, you don’t need to be perfect but when you fall what are you doing to get back up? How are you inspiring them?
  6. PRAYER GOES ALOT FURTHER THAN ANY DRINK CAN. Don’t hate me for this one. Judgement free zone here! Just remember when you’re having those rough days that drives you to drink Prayer is free and doesn’t give you a hangover! 
  7. LAUGH IT OFF. Why stress yourself out more than you already are. Who cares if your child took a sharpie to the wall. Add a frame around it and look at it as art. You birthed a baby Picasso! 

 We all come in many shapes, colors, races & religions. We have all been peed on, thrown up on, had our hair pulled and much more. Have you ever felt as if you have failed as a mother? You are not alone mama! Remember there’s another woman just like you who has felt that very same way! Sure you’re not perfect but you were perfectly chosen to have the title as a Mother. The best title anyone can have! 

Now Repeat after me: I AM A FAB MOM NOT A BAD MOM.

And Crown thy good with Motherhood.

The other day I hit my 2000th post on Instagram. I dedicated it to all the mothers out there.  Young moms, teen moms, seasoned moms, single moms, moms to be, new moms and aspiring moms. There are stay at home moms, work from home moms, working moms, moms with 1 child and moms with multiple children. There are moms who birthed  their own children and moms who Birth through IVF. There are moms who adopt and moms who foster. There are moms of children with special needs. There are traditional moms, new age moms and now there are crunchy moms. There are moms of all ages, sizes, races and color. I say all this to bring awareness. As I posted on Instagram, we all have different routes but 1 destination: MOTHERHOOD. No matter where we come from we all have one goal. 
We celebrate freedom every year. On July 4th. But why can’t we celebrate all year. Let’s not take our freedom to be a mother and celebrate with our children daily. I was thinking of how I can incorporate motherhood and the Fourth of July in one. While researching, I came upon the song “America the Beautiful”. These lyrics really caught my eye:

“God shed His grace on thee

And crown thy good with brotherhood

From sea to shining sea!” 

God sheds his grace on us daily. No matter what we’re going through. Stop comparing yourself to other mothers and their lives. Hunny, I’m pretty sure the mom that you think has it better than you is battling something herself. We are all fighting our own battles. So why cant we come together as one & Unite as moms and push each other! 

*Brotherhood: a relationship between brothers; an association, society or community of people linkesby a common interest

Synonyms: Community, Association, unity, society, club, comradeship.

*Neighborhood: a district especially one forming a community within a town or city. 

After looking up the meaning of brotherhood and and neighborhood I looked up motherhood. 

Motherhood: Motherhood  is the state or experience of having or raising a child. Giving birth to and raising a child is an example. 

Do you see what I see? Where are the words unity, community or comradeship anywhere in Motherhood? 

That is what motherhood is. We not only raise our children. We inspire them in so many ways. One way is showing them that you are part of the biggest community ever!  You are showing them you are apart of a society and sisterhood. One that does not compare, one that does not tear each other down. You were made for this. 

The lyrics end with “from sea to shining sea”. Being a mother doesn’t mean it stops once you leave those four doors. Motherhood is everywhere. So next time you see a mother, give her a smile. Pay for her coffee. Compliment her.Whether she’s your next door neighbor, an acquaintance, a best friend, someone across the U.S or even across the world we are all in this together. 

So today I crown thy good with “Motherhood”. Hold that crown high with great honor and respect! Because the battle you fought yesterday she might be fighting today. 

What are you waiting for? Celebrate the freedom of motherhood! 

“What’s so hard about your life?”

I have the privilege of being able to stay home with my children. The fact that I get to watch them grow and learn is amazing. But there are those times  where all I want to do is be with other adults. There are those days when I  want to adult. I read something the other day. It said something along the lines of how even though we may not like certain parts of motherhood doesn’t mean we don’t love being a mother. THIS IS SO TRUE!!!! I wouldn’t trade it for the world! I love my children. I don’t want to miss any moments of my children growing up. As a mom your mind is always on overload. But you are the glue that keeps it all together. From meals, to baths to running errands. From cleaning up vomit one minute to hearing your toddler scream because you fed her captain crunch instead of rice crispies.

Today was one of those days. My toddler threw the only tantrum while I was bathing my 4 month old which then led to my 4 month old to cry. The moment I put my drink on the trunk, put the kids in. Open the trunk to put the stroller in and forget that my drinks on there and well it goes all over the side of the car and stroller. Later that day I went to a meeting where my toddler spilled water all over herself and was acting well like a toddler. Screaming and trying to jump out of the stroller. It took us 40 minutes to get home which is normally a less than 10 minute ride due to construction. And well it was her bed time and she threw yet another tantrum. Earlier in the day running errands from store to store and putting babies in and out of the car, taking strollers in and out, making sure you don’t take long, stopping to feed baby, thinking of things I need and all it takes a toll on you. My back hurts. My stomach aches. I feel worn out. Hairs a mess. I finally get to sit. But wind up having to keep getting up while hubby is relaxing.

Hubby is now in bed. I’m still doing things. And as I’m about to get into bed I’m being called. By this time I’m irritable. Hubby didn’t  want to get up so I went. I’m finally in bed. I vent to him. But rather than getting the compassion I hoped for I get ” This is what you’re supposed to do. What’s so hard about your life?”

I broke down. My husband had gone to work today, played basketball afterwards, came home, ate, relaxed and went to bed.

My life isn’t hard. My life is tiring. When you become a mother it’s a blessing. I’m not writing this to bash my husband because he really is a great dad and husband and I’m definitely not trying to justify whose day is harder. I thank God for him everyday. But you just have those days. Those days when all you want is compassion. We focus on wanting the best for our family. So us moms cook the best meal we can, We give our last push, we worry, we over think, we over run our engines. But it doesn’t mean that we hate motherhood. It doesn’t mean that we’re living the hardest life. We just tend to take on way too much. But guess what? its ok. We are only human.

All we want is your support. We want that recognition, We want that bear hug, that kiss, your caress, a pamper change for the little one, that bath tub set up for the baby, our favorite dessert or snack, a treat to get our hair or nails done, we want to know that we are still beautiful even with food stained shirts and sweats, to even a simple thank you. No matter what your wife or loved one craves through material gifts or verbal affirmation, we just want to know that we are appreciated.  Even though we may deem ourselves as super woman sometimes we just need our sidekick to give us that push.

So to all the super moms out there it’s ok to take that cape off now and then. Just know there’s a whole tribe of Mommas right behind you! 

My Adventure at Lucky’s Market

For months and months we awaited the opening of this market. We read articles of how inexpensive it was compared to other organic markets. Well finally the doors have opened. I was so excited I ran inside. 

First thing that caught my eye were the .19 cents mangoes. Which then made me curious about the rest of the produce section. .19 cent kiwis, 2 lbs for $1 bananas and .98 cent pineapples? I mean you’re basically in produce heaven!


I was excited to see all the vendors there with their products. Like this Mango Jalapeño Jam from Watson Kitchen. Perfect balance of sweet and spicy. 


Who has a salt water taffy bar??


I love how you can buy things in bulk! You can fill up a variety of coffee, flour, grains and nuts by the pound. 


I totally enjoyed how they have freshly squeezed juice daily.


I was amazed at the selection of prepared food they have which you can get on your lunch break or on your way home. From pizza to creating your own salad, sushi and meatloaf to jalapeño bacon macaroni and cheese balls! Can we say yuuuuuuuuuuum! Luckys makes their own bacon and cures their own meat. Love cheese? No worries! They have a cheese bar. They make their bread and pastries on a daily basis. Did I mention the also have a great wine selection? 


I can honestly say I enjoyed my first time at Luckys! It won’t be my last time. Can’t wait to bring my daughter with me next time. They have the cutest little red Shopping carts for kids to “shop” alongside you. Prices are wonderful and so is the staff! Who says shopping organic can’t be fun? 

Weekend Trip anyone? I have my bag ready!

There in NO power in NO. There’s power in YOU!

  
Nothing bothers me more than people who second guess their ability to be great!!! 

The enemy is here to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). So of course there’s that feeling that you can’t start anything.

I started Lipstick and A Baby with ZERO dollars. It’s not nearly as big as I want it to be yet but it’s not stopping me from doing what I’m destined to do. 

God placed a desire in your heart and mind. Don’t let the spirit of fear and doubt set in. Whether  you have an idea, or feel stuck (I’ve been there before) or don’t have money or don’t even feel ready JUST DO IT!!!!! Don’t worry about people telling you no. Someone will say yes. Don’t worry if they haven’t made it yet. They will one day. But don’t be afraid to ask them to post or do anything for you. But remember to support others and their dreams too! 

Whether you’re a mother, father, woman, man, boy or girl DO IT!!!!! Start working on your dream because if not someone else will. 

So pick up that chin and stand firm in what you believe! Because you never know who may be watching. It’s not all about the numbers. The numbers will get there. That ONE person you inspired today needed YOU! 

Don’t put power in no. Because it isn’t there. The power is within YOU!!!!! 

The evolution of a “Crunchy Mom” Pt. 1 The Birth Story

  

Friday February 26th 2016. 3:26pm. That was the moment my 7lb 5oz 19in long baby boy entered the world. 

Now let’s rewind to Wednesday February 24th. I had gone out to get last minute things for the baby’s arrival. My Braxton Hicks kept getting stronger. I would have to keep stopping, rest then go about my business. That night I could not sleep. Every 10-20 minutes I would feel the contractions. I also realized when I wiped myself after using the restroom I had a pink streak. I thought to myself “OMG! This is it”. I gave birth to my first within 2 days of losing my mucous plug. 

On Thursday February 25th they were getting stronger. I still kept seeing that pink gooey mucous. I was finishing last minute things In his room. By the evening time I kept grabbing onto his crib and rocking side to side. It alleviated a lot of the pain. When I had gone to the restroom I wasn’t wiping anymore mucous. “Oh man! He’s coming soon!”

By Friday February 26th around 3am I woke up my husband and said “Babe lets go! I think this is it!” The pains were now every 2-3 minutes. We went to the hospital and surely it was confirmed- I WAS IN LABOR!!!! Wooooohoooo! I was 5 CM and 80% effaced. We wrote the family and my doula to confirm that I was admitted.

I told them my Birthplan. 

1. I’m doing this VBAC. I DONT want to hear the word “C-Section” come out UNLESS it’s a dyer emergency. 

2. I don’t want to lay in bed. I want to be able to walk around.

3. I don’t want an epidural. I want to go as far as I can without any meds.

4. I want to do skin to skin right as he’s coming out. 

5. I want my husband to cut the umbilical cord.

By 8am my Doula had arrived. She was truly a great support to BOTH my husband and myself. I always had a misconception of what a Doula was.But WooooW! I would recommend one to anyone having a baby. They are there for YOU! She helped me with breathing the correct way, different rocking excercises and words of encouragement and empowerment. Doulas in NO WAY replace your husband, mom, sister or anyone you plan on having in the delivery room. They are your support system. She was our guide. Which I will talk more in part 2/3 out of this series. 

Baby and I were doing great. At 8 cmsthe nurse was getting frantic and mentioned that the vitals weren’t showing and maybe the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. I’m like don’t tell me I came this far with no meds to have a C-Section. She told me to lay in bed. And I had even felt like pushing. The nurse had told me to stop pushing since I was 8cm. Within a few minutes I felt like I had to push. At that moment it was just my husband and I in the room. I felt the pushing feeling again.

Hubby:” No babe. Don’t push. Just breathe. Remember they said don’t push.

Me: I can’t. I really have to push.

H: no babe. Just….

M: (couldnt control the urge. I pushed and felt something coming out and I put my hand down to my vagina) BABE! I feel some thing! I think it’s his head!

H: Noooooo! (He looks down and sees something and runs out the room. Finds two nurses in the hall.) “We think the the baby’s head is coming out!”

The nurses run in. 

Nurse: yup! That’s a head. 

They run out. Call the doctor. Within minutes, and 2 pushes my prince was out. 

Hubby cut the umbilical cord. I did skin to skin. 

The doctor was like “If I didn’t make it in time your baby would have been on the bed. And we all laughed. 

That was the most incredible and empowering moment I’ve had to go through. If I could tell from the top of a mountain I would! Too bad there aren’t mountains in Florida and well I’m afraid of heights. Remember this is YOUR BODY!!!!!! You own it! Don’t ever let a doctor or anyone take that from you. I’m so proud and happy I was able to have a VBAC! I want to spread the word and inspire moms who have little knowledge of what a VBAC is or are afraid.  If your wondering what a VBAC is, it’s having a vaginal birth after a C-Section. “Once a C-Section Always a C-Section” is a complete and total LIE! I’ll be going over more about VBACs in the rest of the series. But if I can do it and WITHOUT an epidural YOU can definitely do it! God designed us to give birth naturally. Like I said unless it’s a dyer emergency, a life or death situation between you and the baby, you can totally rock that VBAC! Own your body! You got this girl! 

In the rest of the blog series ” The evolution of a Crunchy Mom” I will go over more about my pregnancy, the VBAC, Doulas, My breastfeeding experience and my other new venture Cloth Diapering. 

You got this LiL Mama! 

See you in Pt.2

XoxoX 

Kim (The latest Crunchy Mom in town) 

  

The Misunderstood Marriage 

Hand in hand, synchronized skipping through the beautiful green meadow full of bright colored tulips, heading toward the sunset… POP!! Sorry to burst your bubble! Marriage isn’t always like that. Marriage takes work. BUUUUUT it’s the MOST rewarding gift you can give one another. 

Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of marriages fall apart. It truly breaks my heart. Every marriage is different but every marriage should have the same foundation: Putting God first. I truly believe that if you put Christ as the center of your relationship everything will fall into place. I’m not saying it will be perfect but it’s a HUUUUUGE help!

Many people  focus on the wedding and not the marriage. I mean come on us girls are born fantasizing about what dress we want, the color scheme, and the man at the alter crying as he awaits his princess walking down the aisle. Then you think about the kitchen decor for your new home together and you dream about your future kids running around. You know that’s true girls! LoL But what about the marriage. 

1. Marriage does not take 2 but takes 3! You, your spouse and Christ. As I said earlier you both have to put Christ as the center of your relationship. Pray together, read the word together, worship Him together. Having Faith together will get you through the troubling times.

2. Find other inspiring married couples that have a good foundation. Not every marriage is perfect but don’t start hanging out with people who are bitter about their relationship or doing things they shouldn’t be doing. Like I tell my husband why open a door that shouldn’t be open in the first place. You will bring things that will bring you both down. Which leads me to 3.

3. Watch who you speak to about your marriage. Sad to say but not everyone is happy for you. Some people are bitter and hurt and will try to bring you down with them. You’ll start looking at your spouse in an ugly way that soon enough you will push away little by little. Find someone (preferably of the same sex) that can pray with you and for you. And find godly advice. 

4. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray that God be the center of your marriage. Pray for your spouse and most of all pray that Gods makes you the best spouse you are destined to be. A lot of the times we point fingers at our spouse but what about us? How are we contributing to this Union??? 

5. Push your spouse to be the best they can be. Nothing irks me more than when a marriage fails or relationship falls apart people tend to do better afterwards. NO! You are a team! Why does it take something bad to happen to do your best? What are your passions in life? What are your goals? What are your spouses dreams? To write a book? To lose weight? To run their own business? Figure out ways you two can grow together! It’s beautiful to see your spouse happy because they’re accomplishing something. 

5. If you see your marriage in trouble seek help. No alcohol, weed, hookah, club, woman, man or money will help. You think that will fix your problems but it won’t. You’ll be stuck in the same situation if not worse. Find counseling together. They can give you the best advice. Don’t give up. 

6. When was the last time you told your spouse “I love you”, “You’re beautiful”, “You’re handsome”, or even “Thank You”? Your spouse may be having a bad day or an off day. Even a hug or kiss can go along way. Enjoy each other and appreciate the time you have together. 

I’m not a marriage guru or councelor. Society paints marriage in a way that either you don’t need to get married or go ahead and get married because hey if it doesn’t work out you can easily get divorced. I’m writing this because marriage was created for us. Divorce wasn’t. (Unless it’s life threatening) Marriage is a beautiful thing. Be the best you that you can be. Push your spouse to be the best they can be. Work as a team to make it the best marriage and union it was destined to be.